I really didn’t think I was nervous about having surgery next week, but maybe underneath all my bravery and nonchalance, I am a bit more rattled than I expected. I suppose no one likes to be put under anesthesia, have surgeons tools cut into you or wonder about the aftermath of pain.
Face it, I am a total wimp when it comes to pain–so knowing that is ahead of me is perhaps making me a bit nuts. My stomach has been whirling around since Monday and I am certain I don’t have the flu.
Each step closer to the day makes my stomach rumble more, such as my lab work yeterday and my pre-op visit to my doctor today.
Good heavens, I have had surgery before and given birth to five children! I can’t believe that I am feeling so apprehensive about losing part of my body and fixing this problem. In retrospect and in my own rambling way, I don’t think it is the pain I am worried about, but rather what happens to Blaise and Erin if something happens to me during surgery? All of the what ifs? What if I don’t come out of it? What if they find something funky in there? What if I never see my kids again? All of that is haunting, but yet, I cannot let it take over my thoughts. I need to trust in the doctors and need to trust in God for a good outcome.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7