Hands down, one of the dumbest things I have ever done

Perhaps it was the sheer terror coursing through my veins at the thought of baring my lumpy thighs at a friend’s pool party

Or my upcoming plans to visit my overly physically fit sister

whatever it was, it propelled me to take a good hard look at my physique
naked
After coughing up what appeared to be hairball, I attempted to look objectively at what was in front of me without screaming…….believe me, it wasn’t pretty
Not by a long shot-even the dog ran to hide

Of course, I have no one to blame but myself for choosing to drive when I could have walked
sitting when I could have stood
watching TV when I could have exercised and eating ice cream instead of celery sticks.

To my horror, I saw it all: the cottage cheese thighs, the arms that went south as I traveled north, the stomach that still resembles one that is six weeks postpartum, and the chin that would make any turkey worth his salt, jealous.

Years of yo-yo dieting, up and down weight, and giving birth to five children had taken its toll
However, rather a sensible approach, such as joining a gym, riding my bike, or ‘sweatin to the oldies,’ I opted for another approach–the amazing new anti-cellulite shorts!

The definition was enough to convince me to shell out the $50 bucks for this miracle! Of course, obsessive compulsive person that I am, I bought two pairs so I could alternate while the other pair was hanging to dry in the shower.

SHORTS: Bio Ceramic material in these shorts both generates Far Infrared Rays (FIR) and reflects your body’s own FAR infrared rays. “FAR” relates to the size of the wavelength and Infrared is the part of the light spectrum that generates heat. The primary benefit of these rays is to help to break down cellulite cells, improve circulation and revitalize tissue. Increased heat and molecular stimulation enhances the effectiveness of exercise, increases blood flow, and accelerates metabolism to burn more calories. Bio Ceramic shorts also improve the effectiveness of anti-cellulite cream by assisting its penetration deep into the skin and cellulite. Shorts are a great option to wear during yoga. Bio Ceramic shorts feature 1.5mm neoprene with soft nylon/lycra lining and soft elastic waistband. The shorts are contoured to fit snuggly and contain an anti-microbial additive to reduce bacteria build-up. Since these shorts fit close to the body, they can also be worn for everyday use to help contour your body while helping cellulite reduction
 
I was immediately impressed. The theory is to slather your body with some anti-cellulite skin firming cream and wear the shorts–seems simple enough and the cellulite is supposed to magically disappear.
 
 Ok, go back and read the description—Did they say snuggly? 
Read the words NEOPRENE and tell me if snuggly would ever come to mind as the appropriate adjective. 
Ok, they arrived and faitfully for more than a month, I wore these everyday. 
Just imagine if you will, cramming a hundred partially deflated helium balloons into a wetsuit–and that was the experience trying to wrangle this body into these shorts. 
Imagine also, wearing these day in and day out in 90 degree heat with 90 percent humidity. Think on this as well: attempting to take rubber shorts on and off for necessary visits to the little girl’s room.
 
There were days I lived in fear of the phone, worried that it was Sea World calling and wanting me to fill in for Shamu
I will stop there, but truly I could go on for hours
 
Suffice to say, after this little experiment, there has been no change my the overall appearance other than a shrinking bank balance. But then, perhaps that was the only thing that was supposed to shrink–remember the words of P.T Barnum–there’s a sucker born every minute

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