Sufficient

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 
2 Corinthians 12:9

So easily flipped from my tongue
……the passage flowed to others struggling with loss of health, wealth, relationships, jobs, marriages, and lives.
Often,  I was the pinnacle of strength–strong shoulders, the right words, box of tissues,  a helping hand and what I felt was empathy towards those who were suffering.

Despite personal difficulties faced along the way, somehow God gave me the strength–the grace which was sufficient to rise above my weakened state. 

Through his strength, I survived inexplicable horrors, trials and abuse and managed to rise, battle-weary and scarred, but still, His grace was sufficient.

This latest battle has robbed us of nearly a decade of health, relationships, finances and for a long time, I have no longer been able to feel the grace, to see the blessings, to feel His comforting arms and gentle reminders that He has not forgotten us.

The darkness looming around me has been oily, drawing me into a mire of self-loathing and to a place, no one can understand. I’m on the sidelines, as if a member in an audience in a Colosseum watching our lives wracked, bloodied and robbed of everything.   I weeped for these people I know longer seem to know.

Yet, today as more belongings leave our precious home, and the For Sale sign is hammered between the nearly frozen brown blades of grass–I am feeling something new.

Peace.

Has the well of tears run dry? Have I given up? Have I succumbed to the voice of the evil one whose horrible mantra of my failures runs like a tape loop in my mind?

Surprisingly, no. Instead, I hear the gentle words again–words I longed to hear but could not. Perhaps they would not penetrate through the din of my own internal screaming. Or perhaps I am now in such a weakened state to finally listen.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

And, somehow–through His mighty hand–we will be just fine

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