is anyone listening?

For me, each day begins and ends like the last, with prayer. 

It has become my practice to rise in the darkness and have my little conversations with God.  Prayers echo to heaven for all those who have asked and for those who haven’t. Always first on my list is my husband, who never asks; but I pray for him anyway-for a miracle and something to alleviate his gripping pain. 

My mantra continues despite the silence. 

When I pray, there are instances where God will whisper to my soul, or provide me with a sign or vision about someone whose intentions lay heavy on my heart. There are joyful times when I see the results of my prayers, and others like today when the stillness is so loud that I want to scream. 

All of my scripture studying reassures me that God does not want us to suffer. However, after watching my husband struggle to get through a half hour without pain, the agony of lost friendships, family, and income, I struggle with that concept. Of course human suffering is everywhere and it will be present as long as there are sinful beings on this planet. But, I confess that  sometimes, I just want a day or week of relief.

 It has not yet come. 

I miss the lives we once had, the adventures, the spontaneity. All of that is gone–now each step, each movement requires a weighing of pros and cons. Most of the time, we just stay home. 

Someone asked us recently about our dreams. We do not allow ourselves to dream. 

Like the rain, one drop or an inch we can handle, but a monsoon is much more difficult. 

While this storm has lasted much longer than 40 days, there is no sign of a dove carrying an olive branch.

I am tempted to give up, to succumb to the terror and fade away…..but the Christ who lives within me compels me to continue. 

Perhaps this means the dove will arrive soon……. 

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