It has become difficult for me to remain positive while we are in the midst of losing everything. The accident that caused my husband’s disability has robbed us of our savings, livelihood, lifestyle, as well as some friends and family members.

Our once active social lives are reduced to the weekly journey to Mass, various doctor appointments, and the occasional dinner out. To say it is frustrating would be a gross understatement, and yet, those in the legal field who are supposed to help us traverse this rocky road, leave us hanging day after day. We have an injury case that is entering into it’s 8th year and no one in authority seems to care.

Each day I pray. Each day I prostrate myself before the Sacred Heart and ask for the grace to endure another day. He is so gracious to comply.

Living my life as a caregiver is something I do because of my marriage vows and because I love my husband, but it is taking its toll on me. The household chores-inside and out, belong to me. The cooking is mine, the tears belong to me, and this is all the while I try and earn a small income to buy food and pay some bills.

There are no longer spontaneous trips, movies, shopping, theatre productions, concerts, or golfing. All of that has been gone for years. We struggle each day to survive. Each day, I worry that there will not be enough food, or money to pay our mounting bills. Next month we will lose a substantial portion of our meager income and I don’t know how we will make the mortgage.

While this sounds like a rant, and perhaps a portion of it is, it is also my testimony that the Grace of God has seen us through this far. No one expected that we would still be married. No one expected we would still be in our home, still be able to laugh, pray, and pay the bills. No one. Yet, here we are–battered, but here.

We have seen majestic things the past 7 years and it is all due to the Grace and Mercy of Jesus. He has continually parted the Red Sea for us, continually blessed us with caring and compassionate friends who have taken us under their wings to love and nurture us. People have prayed rosaries for us, sent us cards, called,  shared their food and their resources with us, so we could go on with our daily lives.

What an awesome blessing!

Financially, we are gutted. We are the poorest we have ever been. I don’t know if I will have money to pay the electric bill next month–but I have never yet missed a payment. The only reason for this is God.  Though I don’t know what tomorrow or next week brings, I do know that no matter what, we will be alright. God has never once left our side and I don’t believe he plans to do so.

As long as I have breath, I will praise His Holy Name—negativity, tears and all

3 thoughts on “Gutted

  1. Karen
    This is so touching and beautifully written. You have each other and that is more than most.
    God bless you both always


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