You know, I anticipated the whole “last child to college” thing a bit differently than it is panning out. When my eldest daughter went to college, we heard from her. Sometimes it was due to homesickness, or difficulty with classes; and other times, it was just to check and see how “the old folks” were doing. She seemed to enjoy hearing about our lives and we certainly enjoyed the details of her activities.
When my boys joined the military, it was expected that we would hear nothing for 8-12 weeks due to basic training limitations. However, after that period was over, we had regular communication. Not even wartime prevented them from communicating through emails, phone calls or Facebook.
As we whisked our fifth to college, I had high hopes of a similar pattern, especially with the vast amount of communication available today. We can send snail mail, email, text, talk and Skype. I have all the popular apps on my phone too–I can Tango with the best of them, Instagram, and Facebook message.
So, why am I feeling so discarded?
True, I hear from him, but I have to text first.
Had a call out of the blue the other day.
I was excited!
He needed my credit card and then had to leave for class.
So, I begged for another call, and true as he promised, he called today…..but his mind seemed far away, so I let him go.
I told my husband at dinner that I was no longer needed.
He seemed to think I was needed in a different way now.
Don’t get me going with the birds and the nest–been through that four times, and I get it
This is different.
He is my last one.
There is no one left to stay awake for.
No one to share homemade goodies with–I made a loaf of gluten free bread and it got moldy
No one to handle things for…….. and I don’t know what to do with myself
It is just me and my husband now; and this hollowness is unusual. As second marriages, we have only known our lives with the sounds of children–and this is just strange.
This chapter brings freedom, but I have never felt free. Since I was seven, I was responsible. How do I not be responsible, when I know of no other way?
Oh why did he grow up so quickly? Like a puff of wind, he became a man
Of course, his new life must be difficult too….another environment, new names to learn, more difficult classes, and praying for God to lead the way.
Perhaps, he can’t feel the freedom to call until he unties the cord that binds us together, and finds his own path.
Perhaps, I need to untie first………so I can allow him to be free
Perhaps I need God to lead my way.
I think. I need. to pray.