Yesterday, as I folded my husband’s T-shirt, scents of past memories flooded my mind when I realized how prophetic was the gift I gave him so many years ago.
It was an innocuous purchase during more carefree days as Blaise, my youngest daughter and I frolicked the beaches of Santa Cruz on a July afternoon; the aroma of coconut suntan lotion and the salty ocean calmed my senses as did the warm sand dusting the tops of our feet as we scoured the shoreline for sand dollars and seashells. Leaving the two of them to watch sand volleyball, I wandered off to a beachside gift shop and picked up a curious shirt with a colorful frog on the front and the acronym above his green and red head. F.R.O.G. and on the back, the words Fully Rely On God.
He liked the shirt immediately, but we rarely thought of anything when he wore it. It was nice, but seemed a bit cliche. Yesterday, in my brokenness, the words clicked in my mind as I fell to the floor, weeping for the loss of our lifestyle, the carefreeness of our marriage, loss of family and friends, and the betrayal of lawyers who were supposed to have our backs, but caved to make their own lives easier. After a few hysterical outbursts, the betrayal and unfairness gripping my heart so I could barely breathe, I brought the tear-stained shirt before my eyes again and read it aloud: Fully. Rely. On. God.
The words have so much more meaning to me now as we are living them every day. Every moment. Despite the enormous losses that accompany my husband’s injury, each day I thank Him for our blessings, ask for his protection and care. Though our life is a million miles away from where it began, He has never wavered in His loving kindness.
Not once has He abandoned us. He has blessed us with new friends, with enough to eat, and with small financial blessings along the way that seemed to get us through to the next month. And the greatest gift in all of this, was the realization that we do so need Him. His gift of forgiveness, of Love, of Mercy and Grace have carried us in the most desolate days and never allowed us to give up Hope.
For as we wait for the coming of Our Savior this second week of Advent, I am more mindful of the quirky acronym F.R.O.G as I am learning to more Fully Rely On God.