The agony of betrayal
The act of betrayal, in any form, is a scandalous violation of trust and can be one of the most inordinate methods of suffering imposed on any human being. The emotional agony of the double-cross for many is far greater than agonizing physical violence.
Generally, betrayal can attack a person with calamitous effect at the least imagined time and place. Despite the damage caused by such an action, the fact that a person you trusted implicitly has stabbed you in the back is infinitely more painful than anything else. That is why such acts of disloyalty are commonly referred to as backstabbing. But remember that every betrayal begins with trust. The saddest feature about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and family–and sadly, familial betrayal can often be the most ruinous.
Yes, betrayal can come from various quadrants, from friends to business associates, to those closest to us such as our spouses, siblings or children. It can vary from petty betrayals by colleagues and workplace bosses right through to the big let-downs such as infidelity from partners.
Betrayal is a regrettable characteristic of human nature and even those closest to you can be quick to betray you if aroused by some sort of imagined slight, envy or ambition. Oftentimes, we become perplexed as to why we have been sold out by those we have stuck our necks out to help.
Surely, we think, these are the very people who should have been showing us gratitude for all the help we have provided them in the past. But no, some people display shocking ingratitude to those they owe their every success to. Far from being appreciative of your support and munificence they have no compunction about cutting your throat at the first opportunity they get.
That is why the altruistic and caring victims cannot for the world of them comprehend how they could be targeted for such acts of treachery by people they have trusted and helped unconditionally. But this can be a dangerous assumption to make.
Besides, the more you trust, the greater the betrayal. The more you love, the greater the harm.
That is why this type of duplicity can be exceptionally hard to come to terms with. It is prevalent everywhere and could happen to anyone. And it has been occurring since time began. No one is immune. Even Jesus was not spared the ignominy and hurt and paid the supreme sacrifice.
Worse still is the reality that after suffering such disloyalty we never know who we can trust. And that is when you begin losing your faith in humanity.
It would also be fair to remember that just because someone has let you down does not mean that everyone else associated in your life could turn out to be a betrayer.
The phenomenon is not always apparent either. Sometimes the signs are there but we give people who we repose trust in the benefit of the doubt or are in denial that such people could ever hurt us in any way. At other times there are no signals and this type of betrayal that hits you with sledgehammer force can be all the more difficult to deal with.
Then there are times when the worst betrayal comes from silence. People can betray you by enveloping you in a wall of silence, thinking that it would be better to not say anything than allow you to be aware of what is really going on. In the words of Martin Luther King: “There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”
Whatever the course or the source of betrayal, it is important that you don’t think that it’s necessarily your fault, or is a result of something ‘bad’ you did to a friend or a loved one to make them commit such an act. Some things fester over the years and betrayal can have many motives.
Betrayal is one of those universal experiences that we all give way to at some point in our lives. It can manifest itself in different forms and be perpetrated by various individuals. The initial sting of betrayal leaves many with all encompassing pain. When realization sinks in we are hurt, traumatized and incredulous and unaware of how to handle such a situation.
But betrayal comes in many forms. It can include broken promises, abandonment, vicious gossip, a breach of confidentiality, disappointment over an expected promotion or pay rise or not feeling adequate support when we need it most. Such experiences can leave us with a combination of confusing emotions.
It can leave you hurt, bruised, angry, resentful, depressed and anxious. Some of the effects of betrayal may include losing a family member or close friend, lowering self confidence or self esteem and questioning your own ability to trust and feel close to others.
One of the bitter experiences in life is being double-crossed. Betrayal is serious because it destroys trust, and without trust there can be no relationships. Without trust, society, families, institutions and most certainly a marriage cannot function. It shakes a person to the core because it ruptures his or her ability to trust.
There are several reasons that cause people to betray the trust that has been placed in them. Among the primary causes are excessive ambition, greed, lust, envy or passion. Betrayal is one of those universal experiences that we all give way to at some point in our lives. No one is spared the Judas kiss. The initial sting of betrayal leaves many with all encompassing pain.
That is because betrayal destroys the very foundation of trust. It is time you realized that the betrayers of this world are not worthy of your friendship or safe to have around; but it is also where we can choose to forgive and love from a distance. If I hold resentments towards the very ones who have caused harm, I am not only reliving the agony, but becoming like the very act I despise. Rather, I choose to forgive, lay my agony at the foot of the cross where the Blood of Jesus can wash the pain away and love from a distance. If I can align my suffering with Jesus–it has meaning and my suffering is not for naught.
Praise be Jesus Christ. +JMJ